Dreamt that Teressa May topped herself, and everyone was sending me text messages and such like "may :'(", even the people who were prone to rants about "tory scum". It was incredibly bleak. Later I am in a gigantic aquarium where half-human-dolphins flap about amidst the visitors, thier skin was torn down to the muscle by repeated clawings by other animals.
Rolf Cubes
Rolf Harris has his own brand of pineapple cubes and claims if you ate a big enough tin of them, you could trigger a sex change. So the girl in the cornershop claimed at any rate.
Insect
I am in a 1970s bar, complete with faded film grain and loudmouth bigots around a pool table spouting earsplitting sexism. I see a small green creature and try to photograph it with my camera, it is fragile and similar to a preying mantis. I turn to look at the drunken oafs and when I look back the small creature has folded itself into a protective, spherical pod, like a pea, with two adorable green eye peeking out the middle. When I look again it has become a green cylinder, that then stretches out into something resembling a latticed slinky, to mouth at the wall.
Giant Rik Mayall
I am riding around on the shoulder of a giant Rik Mayall, shooting a Beano style catapult at assorted monsters that had come for us. I fall from his shoulders and land in the Swamp of James Bond, a grey slop bubbling with sphincter-like geysers. As I run across the mud to escape the chaos it glows like nebulae, and the horizon lights up with cultural epicycles.
Chocolate Farm
A friend works in a futuristic chocolate farm, harvesting crystalline cocoa structures in metallic rooms that collapsed into dust when tapped. This wasn't a menial job though, he dressed in a sharp suit somewhat like this image.
Management Consultant
The transformer Grimlock has become a management consultant. The main focus of his workshops and seminars are how to overcome stupidity.
Evolution of the Thing
I am in the sequel to The Thing, which is set in the ancient Indian city of Varanasi. Its dark, warren-like streets provides a stark but suitably surreal alternative to the isolation of Antarctica.
The creature has absorbed so many people that it was beginning to show next stages of its evolution. At one point I walked in on three or four imitations seeming to be uniting into the folds of massive cerebrum in the corner of a darkened room. I run.
Scarification
There is a man with extreme scarification over his entire head, over several levels, some on the flesh, some deeper trepanning of the skull to show an exposed brain. The entire pattern looks synthetic, but quite beautiful. The motivation for it was something to do with messianic eugenics.
Comeback Album
Bert from Sesame Street released a 70s-funk style single called "I wanna be David Starkey".
Fish Bird
A mighty river flows down what was once Easter Road in Edinburgh. As I stand at its banks near on the edge of London Road Gardens, a fish leaps out of the water and two legs unfold from its undercarriage and a hideous beak emerges from its mouth. It lands on a rock that in some more ancient time was a kerbstone, and hisses at me before flying away.
Space Dogs
There has been an alien invasion of Abbeyhill Primary School by biomechanical quadrupeds with grotesque heads; humanoid faces sandwiched between two mechanical disks. Men walked around the playground like postcard hawkers at the Taj Mahal selling Fireworks and knives to fight off the horde. The aliens talked in code as the world ended around them.
Ghosts
My friend Alex are pursued around the colonies of Edinburgh by the ghosts of Take That.
Lodger
During the 1970s, my auntie Margaret had German existentialist philosopher Martin Heidegger renting one of her rooms. She said he had some wild parties.
Cheating Death
Steve Jobs cheats death by wearing explosive belt and taking the Reaper with him.
Whale Ransom
China discovers the mysterious breeding ground of the Blue Whales, and threatens to blast them to extinction with nuclear weapons unless the West pays them protection money.
Disappearing Photos
Two nights in a row I have seen wonderful sights in my dreams, and I tried to photograph of them on a (dream) iPhone. First was a wonderful vista in which orange sunlight flooded over the horizon onto a neon-pink oriental megacity.
Second was of a peculiar pink insect with strange biomechanical proboscis that made a sound like a sped up conversation. On both occasions, my reflexive instinct was to reach for my iPhone to try and photograph them. And on both occasions, I then looked at the imaginary iPhoto app to see the photos were gone.
Solving Mysteries
A close friend and I had embarked on a career of solving crimes. Turns out people were disappearing and being taken to a fallout shelter / FEMA internment camp beneath the department store John Lewis, and furthermore, somebody was manipulating people with mind controlling moths by putting caterpillars through their letterbox. BUT WHO?
Bruno Mars
A range of official Bruno Mars Lego sets are released, based on the particular world-line he makes through spacetime when dancing.
Aliens Sequel
There is a new sequel to James' Cameron's Aliens, this time about a new breed of "Combiner" xenomorph.
It was shit.
Bedrock
I hit bedrock at the bottom of a Minecraft shaft and find myself in a basement packed with memories. Trunks full of old tapes of my grandparents speaking. Old vinyl records and toys I had long since thought were thrown away. But sitting in a corner is a box of nuclear materials from when my mum was building a nuclear bomb.
I break through the ceiling to see that I'm in the attic of my parents house. But outside, we are in another place, at the top floor of some alpine retreat.