The Real Me

My ex-girlfriend and I are outside Burger King in Princess Street, Edinburgh, during some kind of political event. Barack Obama walks past and decides to talk to us. She is somewhat bumbly and flustered and the exchange peters out quite quickly. Then he turns to me, being his genial and affable self.  

Me: Its okay you don't have to pretend to be yourself

Barry: People aren't ready for the real me

Me: (in Jack Nicholson voice) "You can't handle the truth" 

Barry: lol  

Civil War

And old friend and I were fighting in a civil war somewhere in Africa, but on different sides. He was trying to blow me up with a heat seeking bazooka whilst chortling like an utter bastard. But I foiled him and saved the day by sneaking up and twatting him on the back of the head SAS style.